Last night I went on a date, a tinder date I might add as I’m giving it another go. (Round 503 coming right up) If it’s made for meeting new people, enjoyable conversation or a laugh the next day, then I’m all for it. Well life in general I’m giving another go, I’m trying to make somewhat exhilarating decisions currently and this is just 1 of them. As much as I love the healthier me I became on this long haul journey, I also built up a pretty big brick wall, keeping most people at arms distance length. (This subject I’m still in denial with, will push this thought aside in the interim)
I think my inner working mind this year or maybe just the creative outlet of writing, has brought me to have some lightbulb moments. One of many admissions…
I am an addict.
Not the type of addict that needs to report to AA and divulge of the suppression of alcohol in my life. Or an addict that survives off the thrill of adrenaline, while seeking out the next big gig to catapult anxiety into a new dimension. Just watch ‘My Strange Addiction’ and I’m sure you’ll see there’s pretty much an addiction to/for anything these days. No fetishes for washing powder or couch stuffing here. Mine not so strange…
I’m addicted to new experiences. But let’s clarify something, I’m talking fads, wellness fads, anything to give me a kick. Wether it be placebo or not, I love new sh*t!
Last night over an aperol spritz and a creamed almond dip with duck, the topic of hobbies came up. What is a hobby today? Well if a hobby includes Netflix, working out, eating, learning, socializing & travel then I’m set. But there sat single 33 year old me admitting that I’m an addict to a stranger and that I’m totally into wellness fads.
First up, let’s define wellness. I admitted to using wellness and the term holistic (my 2 favorite buzz words) because I hate being pigeon holed. Using these 2 words allows for more of a vast interpretation. People love being categorized or finding their tribe. Like I’m a ‘cross fitter’ or I’m a ‘minimalist’ or I’m a ‘makeup artist’ (one I know far too well…ha!) but what happened to just being a f*ckn cool person & knowing and doing lots of stuff and having multiple interests or hobbies?
I was then asked what was my latest fad and I then launched into a spiel on the subject matter of cryotherapy. I submerged myself not so long ago into a chamber with a temperature of -40 degrees Celsius for 3 minutes, while my red blood cells rushed to my internal organs aid, all because I’m an addict.
I lie in an isolation tank on a monthly basis with body temperature water, floating in complete darkness for an hour with enough magnesium salt to suspend me, all because I’m an addict.
I download apps to track my habits, set goals, meditate, log gratitude all because I’m an addict.
I look for fixes in life, like any addict I’m seeking a first time experience feeling. And then I spend precious moments trying to replicate or chase that feeling again. Like any well rounded person, admitting you have an addiction is the first step right?
To make the matter somewhat humorous, on preceding to write this post tonight I stumbled across this below quote; author unknown. (I have a habit of copying and pasting thought provoking quotes, like the ones you read on a positive persons page, who probably makes you gag as they overwhelm your feed with a social facade of ongoing positivity)
The exhilaration of first time experiences – You can see or do something a million times, but you can only see or do it for the first time once. And that makes doing so worth it. Many of the great times you will remember for a lifetime are the ones when you stepped outside of your comfort zone and tried something new.
I love trying new stuff, I love pushing the status quo, being knee deep in an awkward situation but isn’t there a bigger underlying question here? What am I in search of?
And so, I don’t have the answer to that question today, or maybe I do and it’s somewhere hidden in my subconscious. Or do I? and I’m still too afraid to wholeheartedly admit it.
Because let’s get something clear, I am in search of something and maybe my addictions are leading me too it…