My least favorite F word. 

Failure.

No one likes the feeling of it. It sparks emotions, makes you question your objective, end result, goal or maybe what’s staring straight back at you.

It takes a lot to truly break me. Sure, I can cry at the drop of a hat these days when I’m full of emotion, passion, frustration or happiness. Considering I didn’t really have any form of empathy until a few years back, I’m definitely making up for lost time. Or is that what happens to all women when they celebrate the ripe old age of 30?

I want to stop you right there though. I’m not a cryer, in the sense of I’m not going to be walking down the street a blubbering mess. But normally in the confines of my home with a movie like ‘legends of the fall’ (the first movie I ever cried at, in my teenager days. Pretty sure I haven’t watched that movie since) some Tony Robbins excerpt or The Kindness Diaries.

So normally tears well up for me, when there’s a level of frustration. Most commonly when I want to achieve something and it feels like it’s taking a long ass time to get there.

Which leads me to Barre.

I am absolutely obsessed with this form of exercise and where I am currently learning the tricks of the trade at Barre Body. (Told you, I’m an addict and have Virgo tendencies of OCD…ha!) Their spaces inspire me, their classes engage me and my goal over the next 12 months is to enroll in their teacher training course. (Once my skills aren’t somewhat laughable and I can plié gracefully)

You want to know what sux though? After 5 years of lifting weights, minimal cardio, hardly any stretching, a pretty severe back injury, perfectionist qualities leading to tight muscles and tension headaches – that through all of it I pushed through. Pushed through the pain, pushed through as I saw change & kept working to feel like I was achieving something. Train insane or remain the same right? (By far one of the worst quotes ever and I once believed in this type of bullsh*t)

So at Barre on Thursday night, I walked in just before 6pm ready to take on the world. 5 mins in I felt frustration kicking in, which then lead to a few negative thought patterns all ending in the word failure.

As the hour passed by, I struggled with my range of movement, my muscles felt tight & I was ready to act like a child, grab my bag, haul ass out of there and sit down and cry. You see my muscles aren’t like a flexible yogis, practicing a headstand for their next big Instagram shot. They’re short and tight, which can lead to pain and pretty much piss me off. Especially when I’m trying to do some work on the barre to make this booty grow.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is, no matter how strong you think you are, how mentally prepared you believe yourself to be, for whatever reason there will be times that break you. (Mine just seem to be the superficial kind momentarily). That night I brought takeout and rented a movie to wallow in my sadness = emotional distraction.

One of my favorite quotes is by Tim Ferris (that 4 hour guy), he says that you never get a biological free lunch. Meaning, if If you try to cheat nature, it will backfire. Put all your eggs in one basket and another area will falter. I’m sure you know this but as humans we still believe we can make bank in one area of our life, to fix something, give us pleasure or solve our problems. Pretty much not the case.

So on Friday afternoon while having a laugh with the girls at work & my butt being centre of the conversation, I was ‘complaining’ that with this perky butt (5 years in the making), I had tight muscles and pain. Poor f*ckn me. (First world problems Kristy)

In conclusion, failure is a word I’m eliminating from my dictionary and my version of amazing. As it brings doubt and makes you create excuses. Suck it up princess and if it’s broke, fix it.

Keep those jeans high and tight!

K X

On a side note: I hit Barre up this morning and kept it cool, calm and collected, no hissy fits featured and some major improvement since Thursday. You could say I’ll be a professional plié expert in no time! (Highly unlikely, but self confidence is key right) 

2 thoughts on “My least favorite F word. 

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