Journaling 

My post today is a little bit different.

When I am deep in thought at times, I write – a lot. It helps me clear all the ‘clutter’ and find some clarity amongst it. (I also have come to enjoy every moment of the process!) 

I love technology, as I can now keep a journal electronically. Here’s a snippet from the other day when I was riding the bus en route to work, deep in thought…

Why live a mediocre life? As much as I want to live a ‘slow living’ kind of lifestyle which includes meditation, working out, laying out in the sun, cooking, reading and writing. That isn’t enough to satisfy my hunger for results, achieving goals and the everyday hustle that is embedded inside of me.
I have two sides to my personality and the above paragraph, encompasses them both.

I am one side of the extreme to the other and there’s not much grey area in between.

My thoughts have ruled this year. Thoughts of questioning, contemplation and a rawness to what I want from this existence. As I watch friends around me embrace their inner goddesses and single life, while others start families, some battle debilitating illnesses and some who find love – I’ve questioned where I fit in all this?

We try and categorize ourselves into a box or maybe if we meet that particular concept…or try and squeeze ourselves into that mould, we believe we fit it seems to give us certainty, a sense of meaning or just peace and calm.

But what happens if you don’t fit into a group or want to be defined as a specific ‘category’? Wether it’s work, personal life or what you enjoy doing in your spare time, have you ever sat and contemplated where you just fit?

When you don’t meet your standards of criteria, questions start to seep in and that is where I found myself…

Am I happy? Is this it? What are my passions? What do I want to leave behind when I’m gone? Can I give more, do more?

Self love helps but answering the above questions can be profound moments. Some people struggle with self love….me, not so much. I’m sure that’s what happens when you start living your thirties. The questions above, I struggle with so much more.

Because who wants mediocre?

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